mediocrity???

I am realizing that there is a pattern in my life that I think I have probably always followed. Recently I have taken up a little hobby of painting. My father in law gave me some basic pointers on oil painting while he was here, and I have made a few mediocre paintings...not bad for a beginner, I am told, but certainly nothing to rave about. I picked up some water color pencils the other day and used those to color in some drawings I made to add texture and depth. Once again...not bad, but nothing great. (Though it was a lot cleaner and faster...my kind of thing! LOL!) I am also a good cook...but not great; a good writer - even a few publishings - but not spectacular; I can carry a tune, but my voice isn't rich and deep; I play a "mean" bunch of chords or worship music, but don't ask me to read the hymnal or I will definitely choke; I've done some speaking recently and enjoy it, but have heard better. Mediocrity seems to be the theme of my life! On top of that, when I get tired of something, I stop doing whatever it is...scrapbooking, crafting, decorating, etc! I guess that's probably why I never get past "fine" to "wow!"
So I was thinking over things in my life and I am so thankful that there are few things I cannot just quit when I am tired of it! Being a fulltime mom and teacher and wife is tiring and can be boring sometimes! (Shocker, I know!) But if there was ever anything that I am determined to master, it is these roles in my life! It seems the more I do and the harder I try, the worse I think I am becoming, though! It can be relentless and challenging...but it can also be rewarding and fulfilling!
Take this day, for example...
We got up this morning and I was cold and grumpy and suffering from a "Nyquil hangover." I HATE cold weather and winter (in case you didn't know that about me!) and so facing each winter day is a struggle for me anyway. The kids had a pile of work to do for school, including 2 tests for John. He is at the end of his second unit, so there are a ton of things that he is learning and having to be tested in, but I have not done a great job at teaching him to study, so I was dreading that aspect of the day. Shawn came home early and helped me do school, and though I should have been happy about that, it just made me feel even more like I was failing! (I should note that he, in no way, made me feel this way!) By mid afternoon I was in my room crying about failing at life and missing my life in Malawi and hating the weather, and grieving about news I heard from a friend of things that she will be facing...I was overwhelmed and wanted to just give up and go to sleep!
But this is life, not a hobby or a whim. I cannot just give up. I could settle for mediocrity, but I desire so much more than that for my kids and my marriage! The people in this house are the one thing I will push on for.
And God is good...he willl not give me more than I can handle, even when I do not feel like I can handle what he has put in front of me!
By the end of the day we had conquered a few tests (with good grades!) and were even able to get ahead with a few lessons! The house is not clean, but we enjoyed the kids this afternoon. I look forward to doing some painting tomorrow with my extremely talented daughter - who will end up drawing and painting a lot better than her mom!
I guess I am willing to settle for mediocrity in the areas of my life that are not important in the eternal perpective.(crafting, singing, cleaning, cooking, etc) But I am not willing to be less than what God has designed me to be. So I will push on and pray! (Even though they are calling for the dreaded snow tonight!) I encourage you to do the same!

Jesu ndi Wabwino

It's been a while since my last post and I still don't really know what to write about. There is a lot of things happening in our lives and inside of each of us, but not things that would be of interest to most of you...or things I want to post all about! LOL!
Recently Shawn and I met with a man from SIM about missions opportunities. Though there are a lot of exciting ones, and I think the organization is a wonderful one, we cannot really think through those things right now. We told him that we needed to focus on the church here now for the next year, like we committed to. Then there is the continuing issue of our school debt still being there...SIM doesn't let you go with any outstanding amount. So here we are again, and here I am again feeling helpless. Though I suppose that is the best place to be, since God needs to be the one to make things happen and put things into place. We want to be sure that He is opening doors and sending us next time!
We have continued to hear from the guys in Malawi and Shawn is doing an online discipleship process with them. They are no longer part of acts 3 and are kind of floundering trying to figure out what is next. I still have a heart for them and honestly am praying that God opens doors for us to be abck with them someday.
But now we are here. And we met with a counselor this week to go through some of the things that happened over the last year. It was such a relief to have her give us permission to grieve and mourn and to do that in the way that is best for each of us. She encouraged us to love each other and be patient. I think we have an amazing marriage...but I am never against getting godly counsel from people...especially ones who have "been there, done that!" This couple was in AFrica for many years as missionaries and now do a lot of counseling with other missionaries.
Things seem to be going well at the church. The kids are making friends and there are some people that we are getting to know that I really like. God is Good!