Things of the past

Well, this has been a very emotional past few months for my family. I am not sure we even realized how much we were affected by the last year! So many people keep apologizing for the way things panned out in Malawi, but I want to tell you (though I appreciate your love) it was not a bad experience in general! I have been working through some of my feelings of grief recently. Some have wondered about my mourning a place that we lived only 8 months and where we had a lot of crazy experiences and adjusting. I have even wondered this myself. Honestly, while I really cared for the people we worked with and loved the other relationships I formed, I still realize that it was less than a year. There were some good relationships - especially with the other missionaries - that I am missing a great deal. And there were many other things that I felt were "on the verge" of being really amazing - whether that be ministry things, relationships, or even in our family. But I was still puzzled by the feelings that I was continuing to experience.
Then yesterday in church I was having trouble focusing (nothing to do with the sermon - I was thinking too much!) So I started flipping through my bible and it suddenly hit me why I am grieveing Malawi so much right now. When we were first there and I was experiencing intense lonliness and wondering whar God was up too, I immersed myself in Psalms. All through that book I have names of people in Malawi written, situations that I was praying for, and personal things having to do with Malawi. There are places where I wrote about my anger, my lonliness, my amazement with God's provsion and love, and my frustrations. There are names of people that I love written next to special passages, and answers to prayers that I saw unfold.
Though I look back on my time and wonder what exactly my part was in Malawi, I can see that my prayer life was pushed to a point it had never been (therefore my love relationship with our Savior was automatically stretchd and grown!) Also, my love for these people and this country was birthed in a way that is different from a normal love.
Am I making any sense? LOL!
I am not saying all this for any reason other than becuase I am working it out in my head, and it helps to blog and get your thoughts!
Thank you for your continued prayers for us as we heal, grow, and seek!